The Rocky Horror Remake everyone and their Mamma's Talking About.

[Or, 'Lets NOT Do the Time Warp Again and Say We Did, M'kay?']

If you enjoyed the Rocky Horror Picture Show and browse the interwebs on a regular basis, there's a really freaking good chance you've heard about MTVs latest atrocity a-brewing down in the deep dark hell of...whereever.



And if you've heard about this, chances are, you are really really pissed.
Well, you know. Pissed enough to sign online petitions [Ehm: http://www.stoptheremake.com/ You know I did. It'll make you feel good inside. Like buying recycled material fabric bags at Target with little cutesey images and a slogon that says 'Green is the new Black' in efforts to save the planet.], and post 3 paragraph essays to whatever blog post may mention it just to prove how /effin pissed/ you are.

The hate is a phenomena and I am on the bandwagon.

But this isn't going to neccisarily be me ranting about how awful this all is and whywhywhy and fuck you MTV and all that jazz, because honestly, even though I agree with it, I'm sick of reading that jazz.

Okay, so maybe I'm lying. Maybe it will be another rant.

But here's my perspective.

In those 3 paragraph essays I mentioned above, reasonable people do like to point out the possible pros of having a new version for this modern age. That is, having a remake of a cult classic film made by a mass-media company marketed at us young people will increase the fan base, taking the Rocky Horror cult status to levels it never felt it could even aim to reach!

And while this all sounds very lovely and rather Utopian, as one of those in the age demographic it hopes to reach, I can only fear the worst. Teenagers are bastards! We always have been bastards! I can say that because I'm one of them, because I am forced into the same building as the worst of them for 7 hours a day 5 days a week and I sit there and listen to all the things they hate and make fun of, and, at least in my neck of the woods, dub 'so gaaaaahy'. And it kills me inside! And I can only imagine what a good deal of them will say about this, after seeing the new one, oblivious to the original, to the play, to everything that surrounds it. Now, I can only speak for my ulta-conservative town, but I'm sure its not very different in many public schools across the country. Trasvestites and singing!? Heaven forbid! They will not get it. They won't get it and so they will destroy it. There will be no Utopia. Your vision is screwed.

On the other hand there also many people around my age that not only know about Rocky, but they RELISH in it. They love it, they live it. Its beautiful. And although these people may be the minority, it shows that hope is not lost. We found the 1975 movie with ease, without having it to be reinvented to better suit the tastes of moral majority. If they want it, they will find it. Lets not start an epidemic, but instead slowly spread a wonderful disease to those few who will really truely appriciate the decedence and excietment of the however cheesy original.

Please don't feed the wildlife!

And maybe just maybe the remake will create what you hoped, but I seriously doubt it, at least in a huge-way. A few people might be intrigued, and those few people might dig deeper and discover it all. Kind of like what I'm in the midst of doing with Tank Girl. So I know it can happen. But still.

Lets have generational unity! I think that's a better Utopia to aim for. However impossible.




PS: A while ago my friend and I [you may know her as Poppit, polyvorians: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?id=138743 She runs a nice little Rocky Horror group that could use a bit more love.] were discussing acceptable roles for the invevitable. Here's what she came up with:
"Frank-n-Furter – marilyn manson....:/

Brad – James Marsden... Read More

Janet – Amy Adams

Riff Raff – Steve Bushemi

Magenta – helena bonham carter

Columbia – Gwen Stefani

Eddie – Jack Black

The Narrator/Criminologist - ....michael gambon?

Dr. Scott – tim curry

Rocky – no need to be anybody too famous, just a blonde guy with ripped body"

Er, I think that apathetic smilie regarding the choice of Frankie she chose to include was because that was my one suggestion and I don't think she's smitten with Manson in that role. And she likes Marilyn!
A lot of people may gripe about Marilyn Manson in general, but a lot of people are pretentious buttheads. Nevermind my hypocricy. And I'm off topic.

THOUGHTS? FEELINGS? DESIRES? Talk to me.

PPS:I hope I made a much better point than I did last time I decided to post about a movie. I also recall mentioning something about my next post concerning Saved totally trumping Juno in the Teen Pregnancy genre, but that was so long ago I'm sure you all forgot. =] I'll get to it eventually. I'm also planning on doing a segment involving books-turned movies, starting with Girl. If you have any idea what I'm spewing about, stay tuned.


Art By http://bullsik.deviantart.com/

Acid Baths, Leather Kitties, and Danny DeVito

She's staring at me like I just told her she's my baby's father. Like I told her that I'm a secret canabal and in a moment I plan to eat her. Like I told her I sold my soul to Stephanie Myers.

"YOU DON'T LIKE BATMAN?"

But that's not what I said, as I attempt to explain.
I like Batman fine.

"How could you not like Heath Ledger as THE JOKER?!"

That's not what I meant either.
He was freakin' great.

Its just that I enjoyed Tim Burton's take on Gotham City better than these 2 most recent films.
That's all.
[Nevermind the fact that I fell asleep part way through Begins. From here on out, we'll only be comparing Dark Knight, which, fortunately for the sake of this review, I've seen twice.]

But she's looking at me like I confessed to being the Zodiac Killer. Like I joined a cult recently. Like I'm going to start shopping at Abercrombie.

Its ok though, I've been bracing myself for this reaction. For months I've realized that this is how I feel, but its only been recently that I've finally worked up the desire to say so out loud.
Because who in their right mind doesn't LOVE the Dark Knight, right?

And let's get this straight-I do recognize The Dark Knight as a supierorly made film, closer to the comic [while we're here, lets get another thing out of the way: I have not read any of the comics. Nothing on Batman, at least. Nada. Zip. I am an ignorant fuck, so please excuse me, and all I may happen to know comes from being raised by an army of geeks.], better dialogue, more...realistic. Whatever.

I prefer cheesy whimsical weirdness.
Sooo. Shoot me.



Just look at Michelle's black leather badass self. Danny DeVito so grotesque and disgusting!

This may, in the end, have to do with two things: My childhood, and Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman.

In regards to my childhood, Batman and Batman Returns [and the two after, but they will get their own post eventually...for reasons you will see.] had already been part of my life, soaked into my tiny impressionable mind from the start. Now, I have an immesense appriciation for everything that affected me during childhood, and I often feel like those around me, in my age demographic, seem to constantly disregard anything /older/ then them, heaven forbid, and quite probably anything older than 5 years with that snarky scoff of theirs. So therefore, I feel indebt to these films, or someone must carry infomation on into the next decades. Someone's got to care.

Does this make any sense? Maybe I'm getting off track. No one ever said these reviews were going to be well written.

I also come from the age of Shot Attention spans, or so many middle age types will complain. This may or may not have something do with it all as well.

But anyway, the dark cartoonishness that can be found in EVERY Burton film delights me more than having a plausable superhero film. This is especially true of Returns, in which the Villians steal the show in their black leather and furs. As a right brained person, I find it all incredibly visually stimulating- the snow, the grit, the stylistic whatevers.

As for Bale, and this is an arguement that people who've seen American Psycho can back me up on, finally get my point of view with: I just. Can't. Have him be Batman. American Psycho was the first and only other movie I've seen the dude in, and he did such a brilliant job at portraying that disgusting, disturbed, materialistic madman that trying to side with him as one of the greatest heros of all time is something that I just can't get over. It doesn't sit well. Weirds me out.

Nonetheless, we all agree that Heath Ledger did an incredible last performance. That much is true...

But didn't you want to see the Joker fall, screaming crazily into a vat of acid? Just a little bit? Because I totally did.



But, really, how many of you were routing for the hero in Dark Knight? How many of you couldn't wait until Ledger got back on the screen with his tongue flicks and hair slicks? And that purple jacket! Very classy.

So, I don't know how else to explain it, except that there was just a little something strange and cartoonish about the 1989/1992 films and that's just how I like them. If only now, I could say this and feel accepted...until then, people, really. Don't take it all so seriously.

Next week, Juno Vs. Saved: A death match of teenage pregnancy!